Tweens And Teens Talk: Confidence Is the Root of Advocacy

From a 14 year old... 

Becoming an advocate for yourself is difficult, but very rewarding. There are lots of important steps and aspects of self-advocacy, and I think that knowing about these can help a person become not only an advocate for themselves, but also gain more self-confidence and respect. 

One thing that I find very important for advocacy is really understanding your own disorder. Part of advocating for yourself is being able to confidently speak about your needs in order for those needs to be met. You need to be able to provide a good reason why someone should accommodate for you. And remember there is always a good reason for someone to accommodate for you, one of the hardest things is simply telling people what you need from them.

Another thing I find important for self-advocacy is the support of friends and people outside of my family. Sometimes having a metabolic disorder can feel isolating, and talking about it can make you feel even more alone, mainly because nobody really gets it. Having at least one good friend who understands your challenges can inspire you to talk more and make your needs known, a crucial step towards advocacy. 

The practical side of self advocacy is also important. You need to know exactly what you want to accomplish in order to speak for yourself to make an impact on your lifestyle. I recommend talking with your parents or someone who really knows about your needs and come up with a list of goals. These can be physical, like a spot in a front seat, or not physical at all, like respect.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to be confident! I know that sounds really difficult. It is. But confidence is the root of advocacy, so try to boost confidence in any way you can, except by shunning your needs. You need to love yourself for who you are and know that people will still like you, respect you, and care about you no matter what. Your needs are only a small part of who you really are, and often confidence will come when you realize that there are so many other beautiful things about you. Your needs simply complement them. 

I think my parents helped me the most in terms of learning to advocate for myself. They gave me all sorts of strategies and options for handling my metabolic disorder. What helped the most was giving me the freedom to try out each strategy. Advocating for yourself is a learning process, and you have to try different things to find out what works and what doesn't. Their emotional support was amazing as well, and it continues to nourish me today! 

I think motivation helped me learn how to be a self-advocate. Advocacy only works if you really want it to, and after that it's simply listing your needs and finding what works for them. The best part of self advocacy is the independence that comes with it, and when I realized that self-advocacy would bring me independence, I became much more interested in accomplishing it. I mean, what teenager likes the idea of being dependent on her parents to manage her life forever? That idea wasn't appealing, so I turned to self-advocacy. 

I think the biggest stumbling block in self-advocacy has actually been myself. Self-advocacy requires you to admit that there's something different about you that needs special attention, and as a teenager, that's not always something I want to admit. 

Self-advocacy is scary. It requires people to look at you, to analyze you. You're not part of the crowd, in standing up for yourself, for that brief moment, you don't always fit in anymore. As a teenager, I don't want to be different. I don't want to be the alien. And that's kept me from speaking up for myself. 

That's why confidence is so important, it enables you to act. Find confidence through the support of friends, through self-affirmation, for the realization that you are not strange or weird or a freak but that you are just as good as everyone else, so you deserve fair treatment. And when you realize that about yourself, it relieves lots of stress that you might not even know you have. It's a weight off your shoulders. 

So the MOST IMPORTANT THING is to be confident. After that and a little bit of planning, self-advocacy will follow.

Some Tips For Developing Self-confidence

1) Connect with other people who share your challenges. This will remove the sense of alienation.

2) Find something that you love to do or are good at. Try to define your life by that hobby or skill instead of exclusively by your needs.

3) Express your frustration! Don't bottle up emotions, they need to come out to make room for confidence.

4) Make at least one friend without your needs who knows about your needs and challenges, and talk to them when things get hard. Having a friend who doesn't have but knows about your needs can give you a sense of acceptance and can foster self-confidence.

About Author:  Leah is fourteen years old and in ninth grade. She's interested in math, science, music, art, anime, and track and field.

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